What are You Afraid of?

What keeps you up at night, heart pounding and mind racing? Is it something obvious, like spiders or heights? Or is it something deeper—fear of failure, rejection, or not living up to your potential?

If I’m honest, my own list hasn’t changed much over the years. Bees and heights have always given me pause, but the fear that’s had the greatest impact on my life is the fear of failure. Unlike my other fears, this one doesn’t just pop up when I’m outside or looking down from a tall building. It’s the kind that sneaks into my thoughts, shapes my decisions, and, if I’m not careful, holds me back from living fully.

But here’s the thing: we all have fears. Some are small and manageable, while others feel overwhelming. The real question is, are your fears in the passenger seat, or are they driving your life?

Fear in the Driver’s Seat

Fears are a natural part of being human. They can even be helpful, keeping us safe, alert, and aware. But when fear takes the wheel, it can steer us away from growth, connection, and the life we truly want. It can keep us stuck in old patterns, sabotage our relationships, and dim our dreams.

So, how do we keep fear from running the show? Over the years, I’ve discovered three powerful practices that have helped me take back control. I want to share them with you and invite you to reflect on how they might show up in your own life.

1. Talk About Your Fears

The first step to overcoming fear is simple, but not always easy: talk about it. Fear thrives in silence and secrecy. When we keep our worries hidden, they grow in the shadows, becoming bigger and more intimidating than they really are.

You don’t have to announce your fears to the world. Start by sharing with someone you trust—a partner, a close friend, a coach, or a counselor. Does your spouse know what you’re most afraid of? Have you ever told a friend how fear shows up for you?

It can feel vulnerable to open up. But in the hands of someone who cares, your fears lose their grip. You might discover you’re not alone. You might even find that simply saying your fear out loud makes it seem smaller and more manageable.

When we shine a light on our fears, we create space for growth, healing, and freedom. We give ourselves permission to move forward, instead of being held back by what we’re afraid of.

2. Stay Future-Focused

Let me be clear: staying future-focused doesn’t mean ignoring your past or pretending old wounds don’t exist. In fact, our past can be our greatest teacher. But once we’ve learned the lessons, we get to choose what comes next.

For me, my fear of failure often tries to drag me back to every mistake I’ve ever made. It whispers that my past defines me, that I’ll never change. But when I shift my focus to the future—when I think about who I want to become, and what I want to achieve—I find the courage to take risks and try again.

I learned this lesson in a powerful way back in 2004. At the time, I was overweight and out of shape. I joined Weight Watchers, and in one of the first meetings, the leader said something that stuck with me: “If all you focus on is how much you dislike your body, or what you’re missing out on, you’ll never get where you want to go. You have to focus on who you want to become, and then do the work to get there.”

That mindset helped me lose 78 pounds in nine months, and more importantly, it’s shaped how I approach every challenge since. When we keep our eyes on the future—on our hopes, dreams, and the person we want to be—we find the motivation to move forward, even when fear tries to hold us back.

3. Embrace an Abundance Mindset

The final key to breaking free from fear is learning to live with an abundance mindset. Scarcity says, “There’s not enough.” Abundance says, “There’s more than enough for everyone.”

When we operate from scarcity, we believe things like:

• “If I win, someone else has to lose.”

• “I don’t have enough time or resources to face my fears.”

• “There’s just not enough to go around.”

But when we choose abundance, we see possibilities instead of limitations. We believe there’s enough time, love, opportunity, and success for all of us. We stop comparing ourselves to others and start focusing on our own journey.

For me, this belief is rooted in my faith. My relationship with Jesus grounds me in the truth that I am loved, supported, and provided for. But whatever your source, I encourage you to ask yourself: Do you see the world through a lens of scarcity or abundance? What might change if you believed there was more than enough for you?

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